Don’t put all your eggs in one basket… put some in the fridge

A personal story about fertility and egg freezing

The first time I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to freeze my eggs, I made her cry. A procedure that looked to me like plain-old-science and an exciting new choice, incited a much different story for her. She was worried for my safety, the unhappiness that comes along with going against societal norms, the wonder of childbirth, and the tyranny of the biological ⏰.

What is 🥚 freezing?

Women are born with a finite number of eggs, and as we age the supply and genetic normalcy of those eggs decline. When you’re 25 your egg count is about 22% and by 35 it is about 5%. As you age the quality of your eggs decline and it becomes harder for those eggs to become fertilized into healthy babies. A uterus, on the other hand, is not as affected by age and can carry a baby even past menopause.

Egg freezing (aka Oocyte Cryopreservation) is a procedure by which hormones are used to bring as many eggs as possible to maturity within a two-week period. The eggs are then retrieved and frozen(vitrification), which has 90–95% success rate of surviving freezing and thawing process.

The end goal is that women can use these ‘younger’ eggs, when they are ready to be pregnant with a higher chance of getting pregnant, due to the higher quality of eggs.

Why? Because choice.

Egg freezing is a choice for family planning, just like birth control is.

As a child I was a tomboy and in college I was a 🤓, and along the way I missed the memo that was supposed to make me want to prioritize marriage and children. Growing up, I idealized my father. Then suddenly had a rude shock when I realized, in fact, I couldn’t be just like him because… I was a woman.

However, none of this should matter. I have my story and each woman out there has her own. Those choices and reasons need no justification. Progress of science and technology means that we can provide these options for women. Market economics means that companies begin to provide these options because employees are asking for them.

Maybe you missed a memo growing up and never planned for marriage or children. Maybe you always wanted a family but haven’t met the right person yet. Maybe you want to focus on your career. Maybe you want to have your second child at 38 and want to make that process easier. Maybe you are not ready.

For various reasons, childbirth is being pushed to later stages of life, and since humans aren’t evolving anymore, science and technology has stepped in to make this possible. However, society appears to create a stigma around fertility, and discussion of it. Talking about this topic, not only with my mom, turned out to be unexpectedly challenging.

Some times people would make sweeping generalizations about egg freezing and lifestyle choices, that made it difficult to discuss at all.

Some suggested that I wasn’t serious about starting a family. Some were surprised that I was so open to talking about it. Some assumed that my boyfriend and I weren’t serious because “otherwise why would you need to do this”. Some assumed I wanted to do it because I want to get ahead in my career. Some people were confused.

Here’s how I see it. The 🌎 can be a horrible place if you are a women. Perhaps this is not the case for you, but overwhelming the media messaging for women is that beauty matters more than brains, and that you’re only worth as much as you’re able to find a husband. And then, of course, have children. And a career. And to top it off we say, and you must achieve all this before the impending biological clock runs out of time. ⏳.

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The gory details

Statistically speaking 33 is when your egg count takes a bigger step down, and I prioritized it for myself on my birthday last October. At the time I worked for a small startup, which did not provide the benefit, and I planned to pay for it myself. Based on the initial ultrasound and blood tests, the 👨🏼‍⚕️ advised that I could get between 7 and 14 eggs. I was disappointed. I was paying out of pocket and this meant at least 2 cycles to get the required 20 eggs for a live birth.

After being disappointed for a while, and judging myself for having a low egg count, I made a plan.

I decided to take 3 months to focus on my fertility. Based on the doctor’s advice I temporarily stopped my ketogenic diet and moved to a more balanced diet. I reduced my ☕️ intake down to 1 double-shot espresso a day. I started taking daily supplements of DHEA and COQ10.

But then I decided to visit Cabo over NYE. Cabo has had cases of Zika, and my clinic required me to wait an extra 2 months before I could do the procedure. Meanwhile I went through a job transition, which added another month.

As it turned out Gusto, my new employer, offers the benefit to its employees. I was surprised (and estatic) to learn that they did, because I had not expected the earlier-stage companies I was interviewing with to be so awesome with their benefits. 😍.

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Timeline

Zig zag from top-left: Base Ultrasound, Injection Teaching Class, The big 📦 of medications, Waiting for Egg Retrieval

After going to an informational session at UCSF, and consults at Pacific Fertility and Spring Fertility, I eventually chose Spring. Not only was it a world-class facility, but it turned out to be located in the building that I live(!) As it turns out, proximity to the clinic is something to consider because you have to go in for a blood draws and ultrasounds every other day — early morning before work. To start with the nurse put me on an estrogen-based birth control, and created a 📆 for the procedure. I also attended an injection teaching class at the clinic.

Mistakenly, I was under the impression that I needed to remove my IUD for this procedure. My concern was that it would affect egg count/ovulation, and I had also read Christine Moran’s post, which indicated that it was better to do so. If you have an IUD, you know that removal and re-insertion can be quite a headache. However, my doctor assured me that I did not need to do so. Woop. 🙌🏼

Action 🎬

• Day -8, Friday
  The clinic places an order for all medicines directly with the insurance provider. I battle their 📞 tree a few times to confirm that I authorize the medications, and worked with my nurse to ensure they were correct.
• Day -5, Monday
  I stop taking birth control.
• Day 1, Friday
  A big 📦 of medications arrive at my apartment. It has instructions to refrigerate the Follistim AQ, and leave the remaining medications in the box because they have to be stored in the dark. The boyfriend who receives the box from Fedex, puts Follistim AQ in the fridge and leaves to go camping 🏕. I come home to an intimidating pile of syringes, needles, and medication in the living room.
• Day 1, Friday 10pm
  I have never given myself an 💉, and it a bit of a challenge. There are 2 medications to take: the Follistom AQ - this one is easy because it comes in a pen with a tiny needle attached; the Menopur comes as powder and needs to be mixed in a syringe with saline before you inject yourself using the 27.5 gauge needle. 27.5 gauge is not as big as it sounds. You’re supposed to inject yourself in the stomach area at least 2-finger-widths ✌🏽, from your belly button. I eventually realize that 3 or 4 finger-widths is ideal for minimizing pain.
• Day 3
  The boyfriend emerges from wilderness and takes over nightly administration of injections. Did I mention I’m iffy about needles? 😣
• Day 5, Monday
  I wake up feeling slow and bloated, with bags under my eyes. Exercise is out of the question by now because of the risk of my ovaries twisting. I give up skinny jeans and switch to wearing tights.
• Day 8, Friday 9am
  I start Ganirelix, which prevents me from ovulating. This is packaged together with the needle, so there is no measuring or mixing involved.
• Day 8, 3pm Friday
  I start to feel increasingly out of breath. Even short walks around the office have me huffing and puffing like a 👵🏽. I email my nurse and they have me come in immediately. The doctor says I gave him a heart-attack. He advices that this is a side-affect of the hormones, which is causing my estrogen to sky-rocket. Over the weekend, my body adjusts to the hormones and I feel much better. At it’s highest, I have an estrogen level of >4000, which is 20 times the normal level for a healthly 33 year old. No, the increased estrogen does not make me emotionally volatile, but I’m slow like a 🐌. Just call me Gary.
• Day 12, Tuesday: Trigger shots!
  Minor panic about the Lupron — it was supposed to be refrigrated and was not! A phone call and a couple of frantic emails to the clinic later, I’m told that I have the type of Lupron that doesn’t need to be refridgerated. Phew. I trigger with Lupron and HCG.
• Day 13, Wednesday 11.45pm
  I sneak one last snack. No eating or drinking before the retrieval at 11am the next day.
• Day 14, Thursday: Before egg retrieval
  I can barely stand. The boyfriend walks me sloooowly downstairs to the clinic. The boyfriend attempts to make me feel better with jokes about omelettes and 🍳. The doctor comforts me with “the more eggs you have, the more uncomfortable you feel”. My mom calls, just when the nurse is poking my hand with a big needle for the IV. I get distracted from said big needle. Mom remembered! It makes me laugh. Of course she remembered. 😍. They take me into the OR. The last thing I remember is that the anestheseologist likes my socks, and wants to know how she can up her sock game.
• Day 14, Thursday: After egg retrieval
  The retrieval is short, about 20 minutes — just enough time for The boyfriend to grab me some 🍜. I had heard an unconfirmed rumor that ramen is essential to the recovery process. The doctor says I did really well. They got 30 follicles. I feel happy and a bit high from the anesthetic.
• Day 14, A few hours later
  The nurse calls me to tell me that they successfully froze 19 eggs, with which they can guarantee a live birth.
• Day 14–17, Thursday-Sunday
  I am back at work the next day. By Sunday the bloating is gone and I feel close to normal.

I sat down with Jeni Mayorskaya from Stork Club to discuss my experience. I used the Stork Club app during the process to find answers to questions, such as how to make injections hurt less and how much I could exercise.

Reflections

Between all the information coming at you, all the things you have to do, your body that is slowing down, and the story that you’re telling yourself — you might find yourself in need of a 🤗 or a friend. Call in a favor.

Egg freezing is a great option, and if you’re thinking about it, I would encourage you to do it. Leave alone everyone else’s story and think about your own.

I was keen to share my experience to help alleviate some of the stigma associated with the process. Hopefully women can start to feel that they can be open about the challenges and expectations they face around fertility. Hopefully more and more women will start to see that it’s a great option to consider, especially if you have access to it and especially as technology gets more advanced. It’s not a silver bullet, but an insurance policy. That said, it’s not the science that will stop us, but the story we tell ourselves about it.

Romantic and financial future aside, I want the ability to plan my family. If we can use technology to make women’s lives easier in this way, shouldn’t we do it?

Thanks for reading this far! Feel free to reach out if you have any thoughts. And Good Luck! 💕

For more information and personal stories about egg freezing, here are some sources:

• Field Guide to Egg Freezing by Connie Yang
• What’s next for egg freezing? by Michael Dempsey
• Clocking in: one scientist’s decision to freeze her eggs by Christine Corbett Moran
• Spring Fertility clinic
• Stork Club Fertility Community and App

Sixteen Years After I Said, “I Do”, Here’s What I’ve Learned.

A Touchpoint True Story About Being Married

On this day sixteen years ago, my wife and I got married. The ceremony was held at Rehoboth Baptist Church in Tucker, Georgia, and roughly 11 billion people attended. The service itself was too long, our limo got stuck in traffic on the way to pick us up, and we were so emotionally drained after everything was over that we spent most of our honeymoon floating in a pool in Mexico.

I didn’t know what I was getting into at the time, and neither did Rachel. That’s the thing about marriage — you really don’t know what you’re doing. You sort of stumble into it with good intentions and big dreams only to discover that it ain’t as easy as it seems.

That’s the first lesson of marriage: there’s a learning curve. There’s the obvious stuff, like learning about their personal habits, their idiosyncrasies and unconfessed secrets. But there’s the stuff that isn’t so obvious, like learning how to love the other person.

Not just be in love with them, not just say you love them, but truly, deeply love them. To help them or counsel them, to give them courage and hope and a shoulder to cry on when they need it. These are big things, and sometimes they come at a price to you. But that’s okay.

Because to love someone unconditionally is to open yourself up to being hurt. I’ve done things that hurt Rachel, and she’s done things that hurt me. Some were heat of the moment things and some we didn’t even realize we did, but after every hurt, we circled back around and talked about it. Sometimes, that led to deeper pain.

But it always resulted in our loving one another more, because out of that hurt came two things: an awareness and a desire to do better.

Unconditional love excises selfishness from your soul. It puts someone else in pride of place, which means you have to learn to sublimate your ego. It can be things as simple as changing your eating habits to include actual vegetables, or as difficult as giving yourself the freedom to laugh at life.

Rachel has taught me to take risks, to bet on myself, to trust God when He calls for a leap of faith. I’ve taught her to like comic book movies and given her permission to hone her sense of humor.

So, yeah. It’s a push.

I’ve learned complacency is the enemy of relationships. We are not the same people we were on June 16, 2001. A lot of things have flowed under and over the bridge, and we’ve done stuff we didn’t want to do, but we’ve also paid attention to the ever-changing tides and made the decision to try and get ahead of life whenever possible.

That often puts us at odds with some of the folks we care about, but we’ve learned to navigate those times. It’s never easy, but we know we have to keep growing, keep stretching, keep reaching for that greater something we know God is drawing us toward.

Another lesson I’ve learned is that you don’t grow without resistance. If nothing is pushing back on you, you don’t develop strength. In 16 years we’ve changed homes, changed jobs, and changed our theology; we’ve birthed and buried a daughter; we’ve birthed and are raising a daughter and a son. I know that’s just the way life goes for all of us, but when you’re also constantly trying to grow and change and mature, it wears on you a bit. You start to wonder if you aren’t better off coasting instead.

You start to wonder if maybe you’re the problem. That’s what the voices in my head keep telling me — that our insistence on growing and changing and living life better is our choice, and we have to answer for the consequences. Meanwhile, our faith tells us that growth is the outflow of faith, and the momentary consequences are nothing compared to the bigger picture.

It makes things tough sometimes. Somedays I wake up tired for no reason whatsoever; it’s only then that I realize the mileage we’re putting on our souls, miles that will make us better, stronger people in the long run.

That’s why laughter is so important to us — we’ve learned to laugh at life’s absurdities. To spend time with us is to spend time unleashing a chuckle or two.

We’ve learned to laugh by watching our children, by listening to their observations, and by getting on the floor and being kids with them for a while. We’ve learned that fart jokes are incessantly funny, that strange voices add light to any situation, and that a well-timed sardonic observation can turn a moment into a memory.

It’s part of who we are, and while we laugh together as much as we can, we’re also learning not to laugh at one another. Giggles should build, not destroy.

My world.

And maybe that’s really the biggest lesson I’ve learned: marriage is about building one another, becoming stronger and wiser together. It took me a long time to realize I had more than a spouse, I had a partner. And a damn fine partner at that.

Sixteen years of marriage, and there’s no other person on the planet that I love more than Rachel. I see her in the faces of our children, I hear her in my head when I’m thinking my way through a situation, and she’s the person I want to spend time with every single day.

We celebrated earlier in the week while our kids were on a trip with my parents, and even after 16 years I still learned new things about her. Sitting across the table from her, I saw her beauty, her strength, her humility and grace, and I thought:

I am a blessed man. For sixteen years, and God-willing, for sixty more.

25 Things The World Would Be Better Off Without…In Addition To Donald Trump

Let’s start with those freaky, five-fingered running shoes…

I smell feet.

1. Five-toed athletic footwear: If there is a stupider looking piece of sports equipment, it hasn’t been invented yet.
2. The word “like”: Like when you try to tell people that you think it’s like really important to communicate clearly and you like can’t find the right words.
3. The Twilight Saga: How did this lump of celluloid ennui ever get made?
4. Slow-walking tourists: It’s just a squirrel, damn it…move the fuck along!
5. Boxer Floyd Mayweather: He burned a $100 bill to light a cigar. Oh, and there were those multiple convictions for battering women, too.

Former professional prizefighter Floyd Mayweather rests with four bottles of Dom Perignon between convictions for beating up women.

6. Predictive autocorrect on your iPhone: Because when you want to tell your buddies you got a cool pair of new “Pumas,” it predicts you intended to write “Penis.” (No…I didn’t).

7. Ear and nose hair: Hello there, puff daddy.

8. People without passports: You become an obnoxious, paranoid, ethnocentric country when only 16% of your citizens have ever left your borders or met a foreigner outside of the U.S.

9. Mosquitoes that begin their bombing runs just as you’re about to nod off: Little buzzing biting blood-sucking encephalitis-carrying anopheles!

10. Hermetically-sealed, welding-torch-resistant, plastic packaging: #!*&%!@#

11. Las Vegas: “If God gave the world an enema, he’d stick the hose in Las Vegas.” The truism that says it all.

12. Dog shit on the sidewalk: There’s just no good case for more pet poop where people pass.

Hey, can’t you read? The sign says “Curb your dog.” Yeah, I’m talking to you, Fido!

13. Twitter in the wrong hands: Not naming any names here.

14. That f**king neighbor with the 400-decibel sound system: Does no one sleep anymore?!

15. The Koch Brothers: Because every time a neanderthal Republican candidate with his 15th century political views and 18th century social values gets elected, he curtsies and swears allegiance to these two batshit Bozos.

16. Morning staff meetings (or business meetings of any kind): Never has the creativity of so many, been slaughtered so completely, so early in the day, by one truly sadistic corporate creation.

Anime sucks. Admit it.

17. Japanese Anime: Stop pretending you like it.

18. Huge umbrellas: Those enormous circus tents that knock you off the sidewalk into the gutter. Save them for the golf course, douchebags!

19. Chopped liver: Have you ever heard anyone say, “Hey, I’m making chopped liver for dinner tonight, why don’t you stop by?” No, never.

20. Upspeak: If you don’t know what it is, ask any female millennial to explain it to you in upspeak.

21. Leaf blowers: Loud, obnoxious, and always pressed into action at dawn. Buy a rake, get some exercise, earn some callouses.

Please get off my peaches.

22. Those small produce stickers attached to every individual piece of fruit you buy: If the gum glue on the back of those labels is toxic, eating fresh fruit just lost its health benefits.

23. That one pair of underwear that always slides up your butt crack: The pair you don’t realize you’re wearing until you’re already on the bus headed to work.

24. Bokwa Exercise Classes: The latest fitness trend will be gone before you can say “Look, I’m dancing the letters of the alphabet with my feet!”

25. Henna tattoos: Yeah, I get it, you went to a Hindu wedding. Now go wash up.

How to WIN an epic battle with a furious teenager.

It’s happened to me so many times. If you deal with teenagers, it will happened to you too. What you think is going to be an intellectual debate about “what a teenager should do” turns into an epic battle. Maybe it’s trying to convince them to turn off the TV. Maybe it’s trying to convince them to clean their room or be home on time. The list goes on…

In my case, it was making sure my summer school students turned in their work.

I didn’t think I would make such a classic error after being in education so long. However, through my good intentions, I took what I thought would be a simple debate and watched it turn into a power struggle. If you can relate, then read on.

The Situation:

One of my students last summer only had one more small project to do. However, instead of doing his work, he spent hours refusing to do his work and complaining for good measure.

At first, I didn’t care. “If he doesn’t do his work, that’s his problem.” I thought. But then he started saying things like, “Can I go home?,” “Why do I have to do this?,” and “This is so stupid!”

I made the mistake and took the bait.

I engaged in the conversation and the war was on. I argued, “Thaddeus (obvious name change here…for privacy reasons… ), just do the work!”

He argued back, “Can’t I just go home? I’ll think better at home.”

Me: “No, Thaddeus you cannot.”
Thaddeus: “Why do I have to do this?”
Me: “Thaddeus, can I be honest with you? I’m experiencing you as lazy.”
Thaddeus: “Yeah I’ve heard that before.”

After a while…

Me: “ Thaddeus, do your work!”
Thaddeus: “Why do I have to do this?”
Me (heartbeat rising): “ Thaddeus, are you done with summer school? Just go home then, you’re done!”
Thaddeus: “No. You always say that. I’m not going home.”

Round 3…FIGHT!

Me (trying to salvage the situation): “ Thaddeus, just do your work! You are so smart, I know you can do this!”
Thaddeus: “Then why did you say I was lazy?”
Me: “I didn’t say you were lazy, I said I experienced you as lazy.”
Thaddeus: “No, you said I was lazy!”

The lost battle,

Me: Ok Thaddeus, I’ve had it! Get out!
Thaddeus: No!
Me: I’m not asking you. I’m telling you!

Thaddeus left upset with still no work done. I was shaken up and wondering if I would be able to reconnect with him later in the school year.

The young man came by the next week and apologized. It showed maturity on his part, but this situation should have never happened in the first place. That was my fault.

It gets to you.

Before I move on, you need to know that I am going to mention some things about teenagers in general. Not all teenagers will act like this because not all teenagers have the same maturity level.

However, it’s easy to let teenagers get to you. They are smart, clever, and can form a descent argument. That makes you think that they are always reasonable. At least that’s what happens to me.

However, everyone (adults included) find it hard to be rational when your emotions are triggered.

What makes things worse is that the line from when the conversation moves from discussion to argument is so grey!

I have talked with many triggered teenagers. This is what they will do:

1. They will use your words against you. Thaddeus used my words against me: “Why did you say I was lazy?”
2. They will accuse you of wrong intentions. Have you heard the phrase, “That’s not fair!” or “You hate me.” The teenager is questioning your intentions and wondering not only if they can trust you, but if you are sure of your own actions.
3. They will use your friendship against you. It is hard forming connection and maintaining complete authority. It can be done, but simply know that there will be times when it will feel like your friendship with the student is in danger because you have to discipline them.
4. They will threaten you: “We’ll see what my dad says about that!” is a line I have heard a couple of times.

Want to win an argument with a teenager?

Here’s how:

1. Apply action before it escalates: Like with the example from Thaddeus, I should have applied a consequence before the situation escalated into a power struggle. That would have prevented me from becoming upset, and I would have protected my connection with Thaddeus.
2. Use “I statements” and act: Always tell the student what YOU will do. Say things like, “If you continue to talk, I’ll have to remove you from the classroom.” or “I saw you do that, I’ll do something about it. I need time to think.” The people at Love and Logic are the kings of “I statements” and delaying consequences. By delaying the consequence, you are able to think rationally later and create a healthy dose of worry in the teen.
3. Turn into a broken record until you come out of flight or fight. If you do get triggered, pick a one liner and simply say that over and over. Do not engage in the argument! For example: “I’ll discuss this after school.” (Again a tip I picked up from Love and Logic).
4. Step out of yourself. Be self aware about what is going on. Slow the conversation down. Take a timeout if you need to and simply observe what is really happening. Do not take anything personal! Realize that one or both of you are triggered and are not thinking 100% rationally.
5. Realize what they are really saying. Teenagers will push limits and complain. It’s part of their process for growth and development. Simply realize that they are vocalizing complaints even if it sounds like an accusation or threat. DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY! What they are really saying is, “Can I trust you to stay true to your word?” or “I simply don’t feel like doing this.” Figure out what they are really saying behind those sharp words.
6. Don’t question yourself. Teenagers will use your words and actions against you to prove that you are wrong. Don’t waste energy by questioning yourself. If something you did is obviously wrong, apologize, but otherwise don’t pay attention to the small details. They are trying to win the argument, but that is not the point. The point is accountability.
7. Look for reconnection. If you lose connection with the student, look for opportunities to reconnect. Don’t rush it or it will seem that you are sorry about keeping them accountable. Give them time. Teenagers forgive.

The last and most important point:

8. Don’t win the battle: I know, I know. It seems like a trick writing an article on “how to win an epic battle with a furious teenager,” and then you don’t get to win. But the fact of the matter is, it is not about winning or even convincing them of who is right. It is about lovingly keeping them accountable to their God given potential and calling. Winning the argument isn’t important. Helping develop their character is! Don’t win. Don’t argue. Use your authority and apply consequences that lead to accountability.

Obviously these things take practice. Be kind to yourself. If you mess up try again next time.

And trust me, there will be plenty (if not daily) “next times.”

What have you noticed when engaged in an argument with a teenager? What are some things you do in your house or in your classroom?

'Evans' wife has not visited her family home since she got married, her brother reveals in new interview

The elder brother of the wife of notorious billionaire kidnapper "Evans" has revealed that since his sister got married to the kidnap kingpin, she has not visited her village at Awo Oraifite in Ekwusigo, Anambra State.

Mr. Chukwuemeka Okoye, while speaking to Vanguard, said his sister, Mrs. Uchenna Precious Onwuamadike, got married to Mr. Chidumeme Onwuamadike aka Evans in 2006 and since then they have not set eyes on her. Even when their father died in 2014, he said she did not return home.


Her husband, Evans, also did not attend the burial of his father-in-law. Uchenna is the youngest of 13 Children in the Okoye family and got married quite early to the kidnap kingpin then moved away with him, after which she ceased communicating with all her older siblings and parents.

Chukwuemeka, who is a farmer and a daily paid job man at Oraifite market said he never communicated with his sister on the phone and had no idea she even had children at all, let alone five of them. He also said he will not be able to identify his brother-in-law Evans if they meet. He said that their family have lived in poverty for years and their mother is diabetic, yet Uchenna and her husband never cared to help them.

He said: “Our father was very sick when Uchenna got married and he was bedridden for eight years before he died in 2014. It was her father-in-law that came for the burial. Once she got married, nobody heard from her again and sometimes we heard that she was living abroad. My elder brother who is living abroad once told me that he communicated with her and there was no way I could know their present predicament because I do not watch television, neither do I have a mobile phone that can be used for browsing.”

Uchenna’s cousin, a Reverend of the Anglican Church, spoke to the paper on condition of anonymity. He disclosed they did not know much about Uchenna because she was not communicating with the family, adding that he only knew about their present situation from the internet.

LIB Exclusive: 'I'm done with my relationship with Tonto Dikeh' - Olakunle Churchill's tell all interview (Must Read)

 

Last weekend, fresh reports surfaced online about the 7-month old crisis rocking Tonto Dikeh's relationship with her estranged hubby, Olakunle Churchill. A text message she sent to her mother-in-law was released online and Churchill's first wife also came into picture supporting Tonto Dikeh and threatening to expose Churchill.

LIB met Churchill at a conference where he spoke about unveiling a new Anti-Domestic Violence programme. Though reluctant at first, Churchill agreed to speak with us. 

 

In this tell-all interview, Churchill calls out Azuka of Media Room Hub who he says refused to publish the evidence he gave to her because she has mutual friends with Tonto Dikeh. He also went to say he's done fighting to save the relationship.

 

 Let's talk about your new domestic violence initiative?

  The domestic violence center where we'll have a call center to link up cases of emergencies with hospitals and police stations to give quick response and aids to victims of domestic violence. The issue of domestic violence cuts across men and women but most times the attention and focus is always on women, so this initiative seeks to investigate and examine all cases of domestic violence because we'll be working with the police and relevant authorities.

Your relationship with Tonto Dikeh has been marred with accusations of domestic violence, how do you intend to deal with that and your new campaign?

  The truth is, what you read in the news is different from reality. My partner fights dirty and that's what she's put out there. Tonto will say anything to sound believable and gain public sympathy and that's what she puts out there. It's not real, I've never laid my hands on her ever. I'm not a violent person and I'm not temperamental, as a matter of fact I don;t take offence on anything at all, that's how God made me, people who are close to me knows this, when I'm upset about something I simply avoid the offender and come to terms with the fact that I don't need such vibes around me.

So how do you defend allegations that you beat her, made her lose a 4-month pregnancy and always cheat on her.

  They are all fabricated, because my partner believes she's a celebrity and she can make people believe whatever she wants them to believe and using her celebrity status to manipulate people to believe what she wants and she's in the business of make-belief but I'm a businessman, a man of very few words too. I am a private person, but she prides herself on the fact that she has the platform and fan base to bring anyone down and she also feels by the time she deals with me, I'll come back begging.

  I met Tonto like 6-months before she took in, so where did the initial 4 months pregnancy come from or did it come after she gave birth to my son? Because she traveled during her pregnancy and came back when King was 4-month old and we had only stayed together for about 6-months after that before all the issues started, she was still breast feeding. And if indeed she had and lost a 4-month pregnancy, that will require for her to do an evacuation, which hospital did it for her and evidence does she have? It was all done to bring down my image and o destroy my reputation.

Have you actually attempted to beg and make peace?

Yes I have. The main thing that started this fight was between she and my mum and it was very dirty. I bought a house for my mum in Lekki and she came over from overseas so we can do a house warming party to launch it and just 24-hours before the house warming party, my partner got angry over a very flimsy issue and she just started breaking stuffs and scattering the house and in the process while my mum was trying to calm her down, she pushed my mum down as well. I had never seen that in my life, I had to prostrate for my mum to apologize and that was how the house warning party was cancelled because it was just 24-hours to the party and Tonto had destroyed the house, breaking and damaging things.

 

This happened on December 20th and the following day I packed a few of my things and traveled to Ghana. So I felt she was scared or confused on how to handle it, so she went online and started the stunts by removing Churchill from her name. And don't forget, I said this issue happened on December 20th, on the 22nd, she had one of her charity events where she kicked off a road construction work at The Karamajiji Colony Abuja of people living with disabilities on Friday, December 23, 2016 courtesy of the Big Church Foundation pledge at the walk for love event. She looked all good without any signs of beating or domestic violence which shows it was a false allegation that i laid my hands on her.

In fairness to her, while I was in Ghana, she sent a lot of text messages to apologize but I guess I took too long because I was away for over two weeks and then she just switched on me. Truth is I was actually In shock. She did that just one day to my mum's event, we had already called people, invited pastors to bless the house and all only to cancel it at the last minute because my partner destroyed the house.

So she played a fast one when I saw the story on Stella's blog with the 'rumors had it stunt' in January this year which began this whole process. Truth is, I only traveled to Ghana for a charity event with my staffs from the Abuja office just before my birthday,

What do you think is making her this bitter to fight you this much despite the love that once existed between you two?

Some people simply don't like to loose a battle and because she's a celebrity, what happened was too heavy for her to bear. She felt if the news got out, it'll be bad for her so she switched it and once she started to play the victim card, she had to continue it but it got to a point when she left my house with my son and nanny before I came back to Nigeria and she went on to grant an interview where she accused me of domestic violence and it's all lies, there's nothing like a four month pregnancy or any of the other lies. I was not even in the country when she claimed she ran away from the house because of domestic violence. So it was all planned and she took her time to pack everything because the estate still has the CCTV footage of her moving out with a Sienna and a truck.

 

From that interview with Azuka, she showed images of an alleged domestic violence, but she also put on a pendant (with the diamond crown customized with my son's name which I handed over to her on December 1, 2016. And in the same picture, she alleged loosing 4-months pregnancy wearing the same cloth and the same pendant. It just doesn't make sense bearing in mind that the fracas happened at my mum's home on December 20th so the timelines just don't match. she keeps complicating herself. Even the pictire she showed during the interview was shown from her phone, it wasn't clear.

Then you also granted your own interview as well?

Yea, I wouldn't have granted that interview, but the allegations were too much and because of my brand. She called me a murderer, wife beater, claimed I gave her STDs and even said my foundation is a scam and everyone knows we don;t collect money from any one for the foundation, we only use the 10%  profit from Big Church Group to run it, just like paying tithe. 

So I had to grant the interview when the Azuka lady from MediaRooom Hub came to me to debunk those allegations but unfortunately all the evidences I gave to Azuka was never used. I heard Azuka also went to Ghana to make findings from the embassy and police but she refused to publish all the truth she found out because she has mutual friends with Tonto Dikeh. God knows I wouldn't have granted her the interview, but they were the ones who interviewed my partner so I felt it was right I also speak through the same medium with facts.

Do you think there's still room to make it work out between you guys?

Oh, I've tried, but it's just like seeing danger and you going for it. I tried to get the relationship back so I could help her condition and because of my kid but she doesn't want peace. 

While you guys were together, you produced a movie 'Kada River', why didn't she act in it? 

For me, my work life is different from my family life, I try to separate it. When we started work on the movie, we weren't really in god terms even though I told her about the project. The truth is, instead of her wasting this much energy in trying to bring her husband down, I think she can put that energy to good use by going back to work and be productive. If you don't want the marriage again, you don't need to be dramatic about it by telling the world because they really don't care about you. I think she should go back to movies, reconcile with people she's offended in the industry and be humble.

What's the relationship with your son and your reaction to the fact that she dressed as you to attend his father's day event in school?

That's the main reason why I was trying to make it work, because she does somethings that are not normal at all. And only someone close to her can save her because she needs help. It's been 7-months now and all she's been doing is to give me a bad name.

She makes it look like I don't care about my son. I help other kids, so why will i ignore my son. Since my son got back to country when he was 4-months, I opened a Zenith bank account for him and his mum is he sole signatory to that account. I put money in that account regularly. I send money to her own account as well and she won't even acknowledge the money when she gets it but she goes on saying I don't take care of my son.

I've invited her family over to try and make peace but she's been deceiving everyone and goes back online to pull her stunts and the truth is King's passport has been with me since he got back from the states.

She recently said she's taken King to alot of countries in the last one year?

King has never stepped out of Africa since he got back at 4-month old. I have been with his international passport, the only place he could have gone is Ghana with hos Ecowas passport in her possession.

A few days back, your first wife also came online to speak against your mum?

The true story about that is this My first wife and marriage was a mistake, I was rushed into it. We had only dated for 6-weeks before we did something in her church. there was no registry, court.  We didn't even go through the normal process of counselling and all that, like I said we had only dated for 6-weeks. I only got to know later that the church thing we did was fast tracked. We had separated for 2-years and 7-months before I met Tonto. The priest form the church said the marriage was wrong and should be annulled but she insisted on getting paper works when Tonto started with her Mr X saga. and I don't like wasting my life or my time so I had to move on because she told me she has moved on too and we didn't have any child together.  So in all honesty, we had gone our separate ways before Tonto Dikeh came into the picture and Tonto knew about it all and the process of getting the paperwork sorted from my first marriage since she insisted and that is why I and Tonto didn't didn't do any official yet till we got it sorted out.

So we only went to meet the chiefs in Tonto's place because she was pregnant. We've not even done the proper traditional marriage. So I kind of find the connection between my first wife and Tonto Dikeh very strange because the last I know, they weren't on talking terms and they never met but then I also know Tonto can do anything to bring me down even as the father of her child.

Both of them seem to have an attack against your mum in  common as well?

What they are doing is planned. I see they've been liking each other's posts on Instagram and the way Tonto operates is this. If she wants to bring you down, she'll be friends with your enemy, she fights so hard. 

But the truth is, they both had issues with my mum, and I don't understand why my wife will not respect my mum. I can't just get married to you in one year and you are insulting my mum and calling her names, pushing her down. They know I love my mum so much and will do anything for her. It's not like you are lacking or suffering as a wife but anytime I do something for my mum, it becomes a problem. I know what that woman has been through, she goes on many days dry fasting for my sake so you don't expect me to allow her to be disrespected.

 

 

In conclusion, what's the plan you have for your son?

For my son, I don't want him to grow up in that kind of environment and I also didn't want to do anything to hurt Tonto because she's the mother of my child. In real life, I'm easy going, I'm not a trouble maker but the way she paints me as a trouble maker, I should have gone to her house and forcefully take my son or take her to court and start dragging a case, but I've not done none of that, I'm letting her take her time because he's my son and no one can take that away.

Tonto is the kind of person that I can go to her house to see my son and just knocking at her door, she'll scream domestic violence again, she knows how to manipulate things, so you have to be very careful with that kind of person.

Reflecting over everything now, do you think you relationship with her was a mistake?

Yes it was and I knew it when I was going into it. I knew I was going into danger, but I was ready to go into it to save her, but right now I do not care anymore, I'm done, I can' deal with it anymore. I don't want the relationship anymore.  She says I borrowed money from her and I'm like how? where is the evidence? At least I gave her 10 million naira last Christmas and I have proof of payment, so if she borrowed me money, she should prove it.

All these kind of negativity comes from someone who said she fasted 21 days before she met me, someone who said I brought her closer to God, so where is God in this situation and the way she wants my downfall?

Now that you are single again, would you consider going into any relationship again?

NO. I don't have any plans for that. Now it's just business because I'm still in shock.

 

"I married my sister because you cant control love" man who married his sister says as they expect their first child

A man who lives in Los Angeles in California with his wife, who also happens to be his sister, has taken to Twitter to explain why he tied the knot with her. Sharing a photo of him cradling his sister/wife's baby bump, he said love cannot be controlled and as such he chose the one he loved even though they are blood relatives.

"I married my sister because you can't control love Im sure some of you have thought about marrying ur sister/brother so you can relate," Garvin wrote. 

Gavin is proud of his choice and his Twitter account info shows that. It reads: “R.I.P GMA stay golden yes I’m the guy who married his sister f**k off.'

How to Sign up for Coursera Courses for Free

One question I get asked all the time here at Class Central is: are Coursera courses really free?

Coursera’s user interface is intentionally designed to push learners towards Coursera’s paid offerings. It often confuses new learners regarding what content is actually free on the platform, and how to go about signing up for it.

Since I’ve answered this question hundreds of times before, I decided to write an article clarifying this. I will also try to answer some basic questions about Coursera, and update this article regularly as Coursera changes its policies and UI.

If you plan to recommend Coursera to someone, maybe you can point them to this article as well.

What is Coursera?

 

 

Coursera Homepage

Coursera is an online education provider that offers online courses, popularly known as “MOOCs” or Massive Open Online Courses, from top universities around the world.

Currently, Coursera has 150 such university partners from 29 countries around the world. These partners include Stanford, Duke, Penn, Princeton, Michigan, Peking, and HEC Paris. Coursera has also started partnering with companies like IBM, Google, and PwC who are launching online courses on Coursera’s platform.

Can you get a Coursera Certificate for Free?

Certificates were free in Coursera’s early days. Unfortunately, you can’t get a free certificate for completing Coursera courses now. MOOC providers across the board have stopped offering free certificates for completing their online courses.

Is Coursera Still Free?

Yes and no. There are definitely a few courses on courses on Coursera that are paid only. Examples of these would be Writing Skills for Engineering Leaders or Google’s Computing, Storage and Security with Google Cloud Platform. At this point, I am not sure how many of these kinds of courses are out there.

At the time of writing this article, a vast majority of the courses have some element of “free” — mostly the videos are free to watch, but you need to pay if you want access to graded assignments and certificates.

If you search for free courses on Coursera’s website, you will see a sticky note at the top of the search results basically saying what I mentioned. However, Coursera still has a few courses for which even the graded assignments are completely free.

 

 

Search results for “free courses” on Coursera

Remember to Audit

Coursera calls having access to the free portions of a course “auditing the course.” I first came across this concept of auditing when I went to Georgia Tech, where I got my Masters in Computer Science. I got my undergrad degree in India and we didn’t have the concept of auditing there.

Here is a quick definition from a university’s FAQ

Auditing a course allows a student to take a class without the benefit of a grade or credit for a course.

So when you are trying to enroll in Coursera courses for free, look for the word audit. We will explain below — with screenshots — how to sign up for Coursera’s audit mode, but Coursera keeps tweaking their UI or testing different iterations so what’s on your screen on Coursera’s website may be different to what’s presented below.

How to Enroll in Coursera Courses for Free?

Find the Course Page — You can only sign up for free via individual course pages

Coursera has two main products: online courses and Specializations.

Specializations basically consist of a sequence of online courses designed to enable you to master a particular topic. Some Specializations have a capstone project as the last course in the sequence. Not all courses are part of Specializations, but a majority of courses that are newly launched are part of a Specialization.

Some of the older courses that were around twelve weeks long have been converted into Specialization format, with the original course split into multiple courses.

As you browse/search courses on Coursera, you will notice that Specializations and courses are mixed together in results. For Specializations, you will see the number of courses in a given Specialization below its name. You will also notice that Specializations are listed higher in the rankings than regular courses.

Specializations in Coursera’s catalog

Specializations pages do not allow you to sign up for their individual courses. If you click on the “enroll” button, you will only be given an option to pay for the Specialization.

To sign up for free, you need to find the individual course pages. Unfortunately, even though it lists the courses in the Specialization, the Specialization page doesn’t link to the individual courses.

If you scroll down a bit you will see a list of courses that are part of the Specialization. To visit the course’s page, copy the course name and paste it in the search bar on Coursera.

Better yet, you could search for the course on Class Central — https://www.class-central.com/search. We will also show you results of similar courses that are not on Coursera.

Enroll on the Course Page

At this point, I am assuming you are on the Coursera course page of the course you are interested in, and that you are signed in to Coursera.

Coursera has two different monetization models for users to purchase the non-free portions of the course.

The first is a straightforward model: buying certificates for individual courses. In this case, once you click on “enroll” you will see two options, one of which (“Full Course, No Certificate”) allows you to sign up for free (as shown below).

Some courses might not have the “full course” option (i.e. the graded assignments are behind a paywall). In that case, the second option will show as “audit.” Select “audit” and then click on “continue” to sign up for free.

The second monetization method is a monthly subscription-based model. By paying a monthly subscription fee (starting from $39/month), you get access to premium features for all the courses that are part of the Specalization. Your access ends once you stop paying for the subscription.

If you are signed into Coursera and on a course page for a course that is part of a Specialization, you will see the blue “enroll” button surrounded by green background. It will have the text “try for free” above it. Note: this button surrounded by green is only shown to users who are signed in to Coursera. Pricing information is not shown to learners who are not signed in.

Once you click on “enroll,” you should see a popup that prompts you to sign up for a free trial (as shown below). At the bottom right of this popup, you will see a small “audit” link. Click on that link to enroll in the course for free. You will be able to watch videos and participate in discussion forums but won’t have access to graded assignments.

I hope you found this guide useful. If you found any part of the guide confusing, do let me know and I will update the guide to be clearer. Also, do comment if you find a Coursera course that doesn’t fit the patterns described above.